Hope.....

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

It has been three days now since I last glimpsed my old nemesis, depression. I have on occasion during this time caught fleeting glimpses of his close associates anxiety, paranoia and social withdrawal. But those glimpses were not enough to tempt me to engage with them for too long a period of time.

At times I am unsettled by this and wonder how long before I encounter them again, but for now I feel strong enough and clear enough to know that this kind of thinking will only lead me straight to them. Worry only generates more of the same.

To feel hopeful, on the other hand has the opposite effect and that is where I am at this moment in time. And “this moment” is all I have. It is all any of us have.

I feel hopeful that I can begin to live life for perhaps the first time since I arrived on this planet. I feel hopeful that I can believe in myself enough to pursue my dreams. I feel hopeful that I can face and  overcome my fears. I feel hopeful that for the first time I will truly be in touch with how I feel and be able to express it. I feel hopeful that “hope” will, as Emily Dickinson once said, perch itself in my soul, “and sing the tune without the words and never stop at all”.